Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Free Kelantanese Dialect Tutorial

To thank my 58 readers(Watch out Kenny Sia), I am pleased to reward you guys with a free Kelantanese dialect tutorial via my blog.

You've always wanted to learn an extra language, why not pick up Kelantanese? Not only do you learn a new language that is unique and one of it's kind , if you can speak a little bit of Kelantanese dialect, you are 99.7% sure to extricate yourself from 2 common scenarios in Malaysia:

1. Avoid paying a saman/fine after flouting traffic law.
2. Avoid paying taxes in KLIA after a shopping spree from overseas.

Why? Because most government servants are silent PAS sympathisers. I cannot tell you how many times I was pardoned and all I had to say was

"Tolong be, ambo ore kelate"

Interested? Here are 2-3 basic rules

Words that ends with "a" becomes "o" in translated Kelantanese
Words that ends with "an" becomes "e" in translated Kelantanese

Example :
Malay word = /Kereta/ /Lada/
Kelantanese Translation = /Kereto/ /Lado/

Malay word = /Sembilan/
Kelantanese Translation = /Semile/ *Pronunciation:"Sir-Mee-Leh"
Important Note : Do not apply the rules above in the English language. It will be the worst combination after George Bush and Weapons Of Mass Destruction

I = Ambo or Kawe
You = Demo
They = Sek sek

/Saya hendak makan nasi ayam malam ini/
/Ambo nok make nasi aye male ni/

Simple right? Ok, that's it for this edition of the free Kelantanese dialect tutorial. Because you guys read my blog, I will part my Traffic Policeman/Immigration Officer sticky situation to you loyal readers

Scene 1 :
You were caught driving without wearing your seatbelt.The policeman stops you and asks you to wind down your window. The first thing you say is :

"Be, tolong be, ambo ore Kelate"
" Brother, please brother, I am a Kelantanese"
Note : Pronounce "be" like Sun bear, polar bear

The policeman will say "Yeker?Okla..jalan..jangan buat lagi". God forbid if you showed the policeman your IC and your address states "Tumpat, Kelantan". You may have a backseat full of guns and he'll probably wave you off.

Scene 2:
You're coming back from Dubai to KLIA and bought loads of designer goods, liquor and cigarettes. You look suspicious because you act like a guilty bastard. The immigration officer can see through your guilt and stops you. Before he/she asks you to open your bags, again , all you have to do is say
"Kak, tolong kak, ambo ore Kelate"
There is a 99.5% chance, the immigration officer will ask you to proceed without opening your bags.

Remember, most government servants are PAS supporters and by just speaking a smatter of Kelantanese, you can probably get away with those scenarios I mentioned above.

Try it out and let me know the results


classyadele said...

reading this entry reminds me of my deceased grandma. Always gossiping away during CNY reunion dinners, calling her mischevious cucu-cicik "budak nake"...heh heh

classyadele said...

"Yo la tu. Anok bini make nasik denge budu. Hok molek semuo ke lembu" - line from "Jogho" (directed by U Wei Saari)

Asnida said...

Ho, ambo anok beranok try doh. kalu keno tehe ko polis, sokmo lepah sebab kecek kelat nombor plet pung dari kelate jugok. Tapi ambo tok tipu, meme ambok sesat bawok kereto kokse', meme ambo darak sungguh time tuh...

Stupe said...

classic la bro!

Eloy Edwardo said...

ado agi ke tutorial yg lae?

Eloy Edwardo said...

ado agi ke tutorial yg lae?nok ngaji kecek kelate nie

Eloy Edwardo said...

ado agi ke tutorial yg lae?kwe ni nok ngaji kecek kelate ni

Eloy Edwardo said...

ado agi ke tutorial yg lae?kwe ni nok ngaji kecek kelate ni