A Political Statement

From the day I started my blog, I vowed to myself never to allow this blog to be political...but today, I have to. Tun Dr Mahathir started his blog on April 2008, the same month I started my blog.

www.chedet.com

Take a look at his viewer profile

Now take a look at mine

AND HE'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!!

New Malaysian Low Cost Carrier, Terbe Airlines

Recently, a newly formed Malaysian LCC, Terbe Airlines has started offering cheap long haul flights to Sierra Leone in the African continent. Anticipating a long weekend, I booked a flight from Kuala Lumpur to Freetown for only RM345.00. I won't elaborate more on the the no frills airline since it will be widely publicized by the local media soon.

While in Sierra Leone, I went on a jungle trekking session in the Gola Rainforest in Southeastern Sierra Leone. This is my guide Kwambe Kinte.

Kwambe Kinte-My Sierra Leone guide

Anyway, read all about Terbe Airlines soon.

Day Hike To Lepok Hill Waterfall

Lepok Hill Waterfall

I went on a hike this morning to Lepok Hill at Pangsun, Hulu Langat.This time I did not go alone. Mohd Hazimi tagged alone. Here's a brief history about Mohd Hazimi or Jimmy for short.

Jimmy

We were both from the same university and back in uni, he dated a Chinese girl while I dated a Malay girl. One time all four of us went for dinner and the moment we sat down on the restaurant table, it became a bit awkward. At times, I would chat with his girlfriend in Hokkien while he chatted with mine in Malay. And then we'd switch back and forth for the sake the translation. Although. the scene was muhibbah,it had a weird and creepy side to it.

Inter-racial relationship

Anyway, Jimmy and I met up after 6 years this morning and proceeded to Lepok Hill. Reaching the Lepok Hill waterfall doesnt really take a lot of effort. By 45 minutes, we have already reached the venue. It's very nice and has a pool at end of the waterfall for you to swim in.

Low Cost Superhero

I was having an afternoon nap and when I woke up, YC told me that while I was sleeping I was muttering the sentence "Don't Worry I'll Be Your Low Cost Superhero" WTF?? It was strange but maybe that was my calling.

Low Cost Superhero - I think I am the only one in this world to coin this term.I tried googling it up but there were zero hits.

Anyway, at this time and age, we need to be more prudent in our lifestyle. Being a low cost superhero, I shall dispense some tips and advice on how to be one:

1. If you like clubbing, make friends with people who can get you into clubs for free like Zouk or Bar Savanh. Because paying cover charge is like paying to an illegal car park attendant. It's supposed to be free parking but that bastard is there to collect regardless. A nagging feeling that wont go away.

2. If the club does not impose cover charge, buy a mug of beer (RM15.00)and take slow sips of it so that it'll last the whole night. Chat with people and just tell them that this is the 4th beer you're drinking.

3. If u drive a cheap Proton car,park somewhere where it does not require parking fees. It's just a bloody Proton and you could use some walking. I once parked at Bar Savanh's area and walked to Zouk. How about that for a low cost superhero? Not only did I save some RMs, I counted how many lamp posts there were from Renaissance Hotel to Zouk. 38 in total.

4. Buy your clothes only during a warehouse sale.
5. When it rains, drive your car to an open area. That's your free car wash. You’re still driving the Proton right?

6. Don't pay for broadband. Use your neighbour's Wifi.

7. Stop buying music CDs. Download them for free online. One time, my ex told me that she bought 2 CDs for the price of RM35.00 at a music store sale and thought that was a good buy. No wonder she's my ex.

8. Buy your DVD movies and TV series in Penang and Penang only.
That's because Penang sells DVDs at RM4 instead of RM10 here in KL. What about toll and petrol to go to Penang? Share the cost with someone.It's tough and time consuming to download 4 seasons of Desperate Housewives online.

9. Stay home and watch the DVDs you purchased from Penang.If you buy RM200 worth of DVD movies and Tv series, my experience tells me that you will need 6 months to watch everything. If you go clubbing on a weeekend, you are sure to spend at least RM160. Multiply that by 4 weekends equates to RM640.00. Money down the drain.

10 If you are a member of a gym and you don’t wanna spend on a personal trainer,just spot a personal trainer with a client currently doing their workout and follow exactly what they do ..at a distance, of course. Make sure it's not a workout to flatten your chest(for female readers).

There you go, my ten tips on becoming a Low Cost Superhero. I will dispense more tips in my future blogs….. Till next time :
"Early to bed , early to rise"
"Being a low cost superhero is wise"

Free Kelantanese Dialect Tutorial

To thank my 58 readers(Watch out Kenny Sia), I am pleased to reward you guys with a free Kelantanese dialect tutorial via my blog.

You've always wanted to learn an extra language, why not pick up Kelantanese? Not only do you learn a new language that is unique and one of it's kind , if you can speak a little bit of Kelantanese dialect, you are 99.7% sure to extricate yourself from 2 common scenarios in Malaysia:

1. Avoid paying a saman/fine after flouting traffic law.
2. Avoid paying taxes in KLIA after a shopping spree from overseas.

Why? Because most government servants are silent PAS sympathisers. I cannot tell you how many times I was pardoned and all I had to say was

"Tolong be, ambo ore kelate"

Interested? Here are 2-3 basic rules

Words that ends with "a" becomes "o" in translated Kelantanese
Words that ends with "an" becomes "e" in translated Kelantanese

Example :
Malay word = /Kereta/ /Lada/
Kelantanese Translation = /Kereto/ /Lado/

Malay word = /Sembilan/
Kelantanese Translation = /Semile/ *Pronunciation:"Sir-Mee-Leh"
Important Note : Do not apply the rules above in the English language. It will be the worst combination after George Bush and Weapons Of Mass Destruction

I = Ambo or Kawe
You = Demo
They = Sek sek

Example:
/Saya hendak makan nasi ayam malam ini/
/Ambo nok make nasi aye male ni/

Simple right? Ok, that's it for this edition of the free Kelantanese dialect tutorial. Because you guys read my blog, I will part my Traffic Policeman/Immigration Officer sticky situation to you loyal readers

Scene 1 :
You were caught driving without wearing your seatbelt.The policeman stops you and asks you to wind down your window. The first thing you say is :

"Be, tolong be, ambo ore Kelate"

" Brother, please brother, I am a Kelantanese"

Note : Pronounce "be" like Sun bear, polar bear

The policeman will say "Yeker?Okla..jalan..jangan buat lagi". God forbid if you showed the policeman your IC and your address states "Tumpat, Kelantan". You may have a backseat full of guns and he'll probably wave you off.

Scene 2:
You're coming back from Dubai to KLIA and bought loads of designer goods, liquor and cigarettes. You look suspicious because you act like a guilty bastard. The immigration officer can see through your guilt and stops you. Before he/she asks you to open your bags, again , all you have to do is say

"Kak, tolong kak, ambo ore Kelate"

There is a 99.5% chance, the immigration officer will ask you to proceed without opening your bags.

Remember, most government servants are PAS supporters and by just speaking a smatter of Kelantanese, you can probably get away with those scenarios I mentioned above.

Try it out and let me know the results

MEN HOLDING WOMEN'S HANDBAG IN PUBLIC

Have you guys ever been to a shopping mall on a weekend and while strolling down the numerous shops, sometimes you see a young couple? Yup, that's pretty normal but what's abnormal is when the boyfriend/husband is holding the girlfriend's/wife's handbag!!! Please see the below pictures for reference :

Isn't it gross? First and foremost, men shouldn't be holding women's handbags in public. That's just plain wrong. However, this shameful act does not apply to couples with children. I can understand that the wife is holding their child and the husband has to help hold his wife's handbag. So, guys in this category, you are safe.

But isn't this pathetic? Take a look again.


Yes, there's no doubt you love your girlfriend/wife but to hold her bag in public ....is considered a huge sin. Yes, she may have given you some sex the night before but buy her a pair of Vincci shoes for heaven's sake, not tot her bag around looking like a damn fool.


What has men come to? You women want us men to be the Sensitive New Age Guy (SNAG) but look at the results. How to respect men in this posititon?

If I were a woman, would I leave a man like the above picture?
In Jahangir's Khan's heartbeat after a 5 set squash match with Jansher Khan.That's how fast I'd leave the poor sod.
They're everywhere. Going up/down the escalator, at the Autopark paying machine, queuing up at GSC/TGV,etc.

Do you see Magaret Thatcher's husband holding her bag in public? She better
jolly well slap the daylights out of her husband if he did that.
And I read somewhere in Amnesty Antarabangsa that it is actually against human rights for a boyfriend/husband to hold a girlfriend/wife's handbag in public. Please verify.

To the women out there with weak boyfriends, please don't subject them to this shameful manner.You know they're weak but do you have to make them tot your handbag in public?
Is he pulling up his pants the same time as his girlfriend? I can only wonder.

To the men out there who has held their partner's handbag in public before, I understand you love/care/sayang her and yes, these are one of the many ways you show your affection. That's great. 100 points for effort. But, for the sake of mankind, don't sling a woman's handbag on your shoulder the next time you guys go out.

OVERNIGHT & ALONE IN THE WILDERNESS

In my last blog, I informed you guys that I was gonna camp overnight by myself in the jungle.Well, ladies and gentleman, I just want to announce to you all that I have BRASS BALLS.
I conquered my fear of basic survival and most importantly, my fear of hantus in the jungle.

There is something liberating about hoisting a backpack and knowing you can go anywhere with what you have on your back

Off I went into the wild. Started my journey at 3pm and by the time I reached the entrance of the hill, it was 4pm. I only realized how heavy my bag was when I started gasping for air by the 2nd level. The trek was uphill and it was a bloody challenge to reach the site. Those of you who wanna take on Mt Kinabalu should train on this hill. A lot of people train in Batu Caves but this place presents you with natural obstacles like tree trunks, roots and children.
By 5pm, I reached the waterfall. I decided to venture further in as there were no suitable camping ground.I made no prior site survey nor did I have any first hand information on this hill. In fact, I don't think anyone has ever camped there before.After searching for a suitable camp site for half an hour, I wanted to give up and leave but I couldn't. I could not give up and turn home after all the hype.When faced with a challenge, did Rocky give up? Did the tortoise give up? Did Anwar give up? These fictional characters did NOT give up and I plan to follow in their footsteps.
Long story short, I chose a small space of land next to the edge of the waterfall trail.The flow of the water leads to a somewhat eerie pool. Take a look at my glutton for punishment camping site :

There I was, finally..MAN VS WILD. Exposed to the wild, I took every opportunity to use my Leatherman and Swiss Army knife including the menial task of killing giant ants with the tools. I boiled water, I hung my boots to dry, I snapped twigs to feed the fire, I bathed in the nude with pristine natural eau claire, etc. It was just a heavenly activity for me to be one with nature.

Darkness was approaching and this was the time to test whether I had some balls attached to my groin. Here's a video on darkness approaching at my campsite :



I retreated to my tent at around 7pm and 50 minutes later, it was total darkness. The type of pitch darkness whereby if you put your hand in front of your face, you won't see anything!!More like being in The Summit's car park. Check out the video :



By this time, your mind and ears play tricks on you. There were a few times I heard children talking but after listening carefully, it was just the bloody cicak kubing talking to their fellow species. Sometimes, I could hear splashes of water. But I blocked ALL that out.
Eventually, I feel asleep until 5am and the next morning, I felt extremely proud that I went through a mini MAN VS WILD experience and also survived a showdown with nature.
I learnt an important thing which is :

"THERE ARE NO SPIRITS/PENUNGGUS/HANTU KUM KUMS/GHOSTS IN THE BLOODY JUNGLE"I

I urinated a couple of times nearby my campsite without asking "permission" and I'm here writing this blog. If you are someone who believes in this kind of mambo jambo, this overnight solo camping trip in the jungle proofs otherwise.

The question is, will I go camping alone in the jungle again ?

NO I WON'T